It's that time of the year when old friends and family come out of the woodwork wanting to pop over for a night or two, true to the spirit of the season. And don't get me wrong, I love hosting, but living in a London studio, I'm often left wondering: Should I give up my bedroom for my guests?
You want your guest to be comfortable, of course. But should that come at the cost of your own sound slumber? And what do you do if you won't have a guest bedroom at all?
With the help of some etiquette experts, we can finally put the debate to rest — and in your favor too, because the answer is no, you don't have to give up your bedroom for guests. But it's a little more nuanced than that, so let's discuss.
Should You Give Up Your Bedroom for Guests?
You can rest easy knowing that your bedroom doesn't have to be bartered over when guests are visiting.
Etiquette expert Laura Windsor tells me that hosts without an extra guest room should always inform visitors in advance about sleeping arrangements so they can make an informed decision.
"You are not obliged to give up your bed for guests. However, if your guest is elderly, pregnant, or has back issues, it is definitely more considerate to offer them your bedroom," she says. "After all, it is important that your guests feel comfortable in their sleeping arrangements."
Mister Manners, Thomas P. Farley, a New York-based etiquette expert, also agrees, saying: "If you have invited someone to stay in your home despite the fact that you don't have a guest bedroom to accommodate them, your options are slim, but include giving them a child's bedroom and having the child sleep elsewhere in the home, or in rare circumstances, giving the guest your own bedroom — though only for a loved one who would be excessively uncomfortable sleeping on an air mattress or sofa for age or health related reasons."
On the other hand, he explains that if a friend or family member has invited themselves to stay in your home, and even after you've explained your lack of guest space, and they nonetheless still wish to stay with you, then you are under no obligation to forfeit your bedroom or that of any of your family members.
"For the guest to expect otherwise would be presumptuous," he confirms. "That being said, even in the absence of having a small guest room, the host should still do their absolute best to make the visitor comfortable, providing fresh linens, blankets, and comfortable pillows, along with as much privacy and peace and quiet in the morning as a more public space in the home (such as the living room sofa) possibly allows."
Laura Windsor was the onset etiquette advisor for season three of Netflix's Bridgerton and a Queen's Commonwealth Trust Leader. Her role within this organization is to cement effective and meaningful relationships among global leaders; enhancing cross-cultural communication skills, sensitivity and appreciation. She is also a trusted advisor to international celebrities and royal families in the Middle East. She consults on the best behaviours and protocols in everyday living, providing confidence-enhancing skills for life for both adults and children.
Mister Manners, Thomas P. Farley, is America’s trusted etiquette expert. A keynote speaker, workshop leader, syndicated columnist, and TV commentator, he inspires audiences of all types to master essential skills for elevating their interactions regardless of the setting or occasion. His insights have appeared on the Rachael Ray show, Inside Edition, Dr. Oz, in the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, Wired and Money magazines, USA Today, CNN, VH1, AB,C and on radio stations across the country.
What to Do If You Don't Have a Spare Room
Making the next best preparations for a comfortable stay is key.
"If you enjoy having guests and are not inclined to give up your own bed, a sofa bed or pull-out bed is an ideal compromise," says Laura. "It allows guests to sleep comfortably without disrupting your personal space."
And nowadays, there are plenty of fashionable sleeper sofas that will help your guests rest in style. Not to mention, many ways to style a sofa bed so it feels less temporary.
And if you live in a small home where every square foot counts, then entryway beds will be your saving grace in a hosting pinch. But remember, you can always say no, too.
Graciously addressing the fact that you're short on space and unwilling to let your guests rest uncomfortably is often better than saying yes and feeling a noticeable tension over your visitors having to take the couch.
Stylish Sofa Beds to Shop
Color: Oslo Faux Fur Mink Brown
Whoever said sofa beds can't be chic never met the Palma Double Sofa Bed from NEXT.
Color: Cream
This Roma Single Boucle Chairbed from Habitat is a reasonable and space-savvy addition to your living room when hosting.
Color: Marmalade
Loaf's Medium Queenie Sofa Bed is completely covert as a piece of lounging furniture by day and a full pull-out bed by night.
Now that this common dilemma has been put to rest, you can make a decision that feels right to both you and your guest. And if you do end up hosting and having your guest take over a spare room or an empty sofa bed, then why not go the extra mile and stock a nightstand with goodies to impress? It's the little things that go a long way!
