How to put the social into social distancing
Journalist Raven Smith imagines what your Christmas party might look like this year

By Raven Smith
December is the Christmas party season, but there’s nothing more antisocial than social distancing. This year there’ll be more red tape than tinsel, but that doesn’t mean a drab shindig. Think of yourself as a fairy godmother, your wand
the most recent governmental guidelines, magicking social bubbles into social baubles. You can have a lot of fun two metres apart.
To begin with, manage guest expectation. Dress codes are passé, so encourage sparkle but expect athleisure in this climate of comfort. Annoyingly, Venetian masks only cover the eyes, but an apocalyptic theme can go a long way –there’s personal safety in a Blitz gas mask. Invited via a paperless emailed QR code, guests can Banksy their contact track and trace details on the windows in spray snow. Anyone refusing must Zoom into the party from outside. Treat each attendee to those little slippers you get at the spa (they can be incinerated in the morning).
Canapés feel like an immediate no-no, and cutlery screams superspreader, but consider asking your guests to provide their own Nutribullet cups to hold a purée of festive foods. It’s always a thrill to sneak a Dettolled sixpence into a Christmas pudding, but maybe just watch the flambé part on YouTube like a budget Nigella.
Forget the home bar, drinks could be vaporised and pumped into the air like a disco smoke machine. But if that’s too much of a faff, frozen cubes of sanitiser instead of ice do wonders for controlling the virus. A Martini glass in a rubber-gloved hand is its own reward. Whenever someone leaves a drink on a surface, Bunsen burner the spot.
Parties need dancing because it’s the most freeing expression of the self, but it’s riddled with peer-to-peer transference so ban it like prohibition booze. Cancel music completely to limit any bopping. Foot-tapping to the silence warrants immediate ejection. Charades, silently acted out from behind a wall of Plexiglas, is the only pandemic-friendly game, or Twister in mandatory hazmat suits.
At this point, guests should be losing themselves in the foodless, drinkless, musicless uber-fun you’ve created, you absolute legend. Emboldened by virtual eggnog people will want to hug goodbye, but encourage the fail-safe eroticism of a dental dam snog under the mistletoe. Despite the latent worry of Covid-19, romance can flourish.
As the clock strikes midnight, it’s time to call it quits. Cinderella may have had a private pumpkin carriage, but a silent Uber and a decent mask will do.
See also: Home bar ideas - how to make Christmas merry by Jonathan Adler
-
-
10 playful design ideas to steal from a whimsical, candy-coloured home in Islington
The lower ground floor of a Victorian townhouse in Islington has been transformed into a joyful, bright and colourful escape from its grey London surroundings. Here are 10 key takeaways from the project
By Lotte Brouwer •
-
Neptune kitchen designer shares the common mistake when choosing a kitchen sink and how to avoid it
There’s a fine line between combining practicality and style- here is what you need to bear in mind during your next renovation
By Megan Slack •
-
The fabulous new Matthew Williamson furniture collection is a cocktail of color and print
This decorative Matthew Williamson furniture is the beautiful result of collaboration with Roome London
By Jacky Parker •
-
Out & Out's new furniture collection is full of stylish storage solutions
This stylish storage will have your home organised in a jiffy - whatever its size
By Jacky Parker •
-
Explore Sandra Bullock’s former coastal chic home in Georgia
Sandra Bullock has just sold her beautiful island beach house, giving us a glimpse at her coastal-inspired interior style.
By Lotte Brouwer •
-
On your marks: new H&M furniture, lighting and homeware for SS21 about to drop
The new H&M furniture, lighting and homeware collections drop on 4 Feb, so earmark your favourite pieces now
By Jacky Parker •
-
The biggest wallpaper trends for 2021 – a glimpse into the latest looks
These are ten of the biggest wallpaper trends for 2021. Expect to see trompe l’oeil, chintz, 3D texture, panoramic murals and natural-inspired materials like grasscloth and cork
By Lotte Brouwer •
-
Stylish flat pack furniture - how this home design staple has suddenly got cool
Thought flat pack furniture was cheap and cheerful? FUZL Studio is proving otherwise with its new collection
By Jacky Parker •
-
The Modern House is going old school with new offshoot agency Inigo, specialising in historic homes
Welcome to a new estate agency for beautiful historic homes from the team behind The Modern House
By Jacky Parker •
-
See this rental home - and how these designers personalised it with simple tweaks
A rental home can still be stylish as the Novogratz' NYC Brownstone demonstrates
By Jacky Parker •